i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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