I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
