I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
