maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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