Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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