yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
