I have demons in me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
