Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
