I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
