spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
