sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
