My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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