I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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