so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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