Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
