What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Of course I have a pirate flag
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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