I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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