No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
vagina is talking i cant
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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