You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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