Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
