I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
