I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
