I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
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I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize