Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
