we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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