I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
