I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
there's paper in my vomit.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
