i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
