Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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