When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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