Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
