this beer tastes like vomit already
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
