masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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