At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
