woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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