Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
