Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
