My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
As shirtless as possible
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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