I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i will never coherently bang her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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