why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
