if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
