my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
