I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
