i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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