is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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