I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
