Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
