when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
