a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
