glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
