Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
