you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize