What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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