I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
