To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize