Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
