I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
