everyone is single if you try hard enough
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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