Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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