At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
