Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
