Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
