Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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