the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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